Sheffield Oaks 25 v 0 Rossington Hornets

Saturday 30th January

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The Battle for middle earth continues, well more mid table but still it sounds spectacular. The fellowship of the Lowly Sheffield Oaks prepared for battle against the Hordes of Rossington “Orcs”. The fellowship were still hurting after after what was an season opening defeat to Rossington in which a try was given that wasn't, conversion given but missed, Oaks try scored but not given and 3 penalties missed to loose 17-15. Time to revenge a painful memory.

Despite the delayed kick-off which was put back till 2.30, Rossingtons reinforcements did not arrive in time, so the battle commenced with the Oaks having a numerical advantage. Eager to gain the upper hand, the oaks tried to play an expansive game from the start, running from within their own 22, but they were playing not as a team but as individuals, and too often they were isolated and turned over. Rossington also made there intentions clear, trying their hardest to reduce the Fellowship in numbers by some really cheap shots, there number 8 was sin binned for a blatant stiff arm on Frodo Joe. This kick-started the Fellowship into action, and the oaks started to play some rugby. Sheffield Oaks no 10, Gandalf the Grey began controlling the play and bringing the oaks backline into the battle. After some conserted pressure by the oaks, Gandalf the grey broke through the Rossington Defensive line, spread the ball wide to Pippin Chapman, who despite fumbling the ball still managed to get his pass away to the Majestic Arwen Crossland, who dived over to score a somewhat fortunate, but fully deserved try that was not converted by Gandalf.

The Oaks scrum, reinforced by the return Sam Wise Mullinar, supported by Frodo and Merry Trig, piled on the pressure throughout the game, winning a few balls against the head as well as creating excellent attacking opportunities Once again the oaks were guilty of playing as individuals, and not as a team, and this allowed Rossington to slow the ball down and were awarded numerous penalties, many for minor infringements However the Oaks continued to find space in the Rossington defence, and again Rossington resorted to dirty tactics which saw another one of there players sent to the sin bin, where he swap with his team mate.

Oaks loose trio, Led by Aragorn Bully, and supported well by Legolas Bob and Gimli Buckley, made some telling hits and managed to set up a great attacking platform for the oaks, deep inside the opponents half, the oaks forwards had driven up the middle of the pitch, Gandalf the Gray called for a quick ball, Gollum Wardy supplied a lovely pass, Gandalf sent it wide where Legolas was waiting. He set his sights on only his 5th try of his career and with having Elrond Harrison flying on his outside calling for the ball, Legolas pinned his ears back and went diving over the line for a try, despite being chased down by Rossingtons Orc riders. Gandalf, distracted by Aragorn's affection for Arwen, missed the subsequient conversion, however did manage to add a further 3 points from a penalty before Rossingtons re-enforcements arrived to bring their squad back up to full strength.

The rest of the half was played out with the Oaks continually applying pressure on the Rossington Defence, but were thwarted on numerous occasions by Rossingtons defence. On one such occasion saw Brave Eomer Flook, chase down the fleeing orcs on the far touchline, only to be tackled at the last moment, the subsequent drive by Boromir Almond and Faramir Wormisham allowed Eomer to pick the ball from the base of the ruck and drive for the line, but was illegally dumped by 2 Rossington players, but was left unpunished by the ref. The battle paused with the score 13-0 to Sheffield oaks. Full credit to Rossington who held on valiantly at times to deny the Oaks. Aragorn knew that Rossington would fight hard in the second half, they had a few fresh legs in the team and the oaks needed to be ready for an early onslaught. Eomer was replaced by Eowyn Lockwood, not only to give Eowyn a chance at winning the heart of Aragorn, but also because Eomer isn't in the second movie.

The second half began and the Rossington orcs smelled the chance for some revenge, although subsequent reports have confirmed that Sheffield “The Pigs” Wednesday were playing at home, which would explain the smell. Rossington piled on the pressure piled on the pressure, but the defence stood firm

The Oaks, sensing a plot was beginning to develop after numerous penalties were awarded, showed what has made them the fiercest defensive team in the league. Big hits from Sam, Gimli and Aragorn, kept the bulking Oruki at bay, whilst any attempt made by the Rossington backs were quickly shut out by Pippin and Arwen, rarely allowing the ball to be played out to the wings, where the oaks had Lord Elrond and brave Eowyn waiting to repel any attack. Gandalf the grey however led from the front and stood firm in the onslaught, howling “You shall not pass!!!” at the fiery beast's of hell. This self sacrifice meant the fellowship lost their talisman to the depths of the sin bin, for what apparently was repeat offences at the break down. Oaks, down to 14 brave souls, fought bravely and continued to take the fight to Rossington The 2 sides battled it out, King Theodor Shep stepped up from Fullback to fill Gandalfs boots. Realising the need to have Aragorn fully focused on the the battle ahead and wanting to give Eowyn the advantage in this battle of the bitches, Theodor tried in vain to have Arwen removed from the battle and on numerous occasions spun a skip pass ball out to Arwen who was met ball and all by Rossingtons number 13. Thankfully Arwen hadn't given up the immortal life just yet, and brushed off the tackles to continue in the fight. Gollum, playing for the Fellowship, although at times reverting back to his deceitful days by trying his best to disrupt play by throwing out some real duff passes, spotted a hidden path between Rossingtons defence, and as slippery as a fish, scraped past the defence and raced up the blind side from just inside Rossingtons half, drew a number of Rossingtons defender, threw a perfect pass to the supporting pippin before being crunched by the Rossington 13. Pippin took the pass in his full stride, and went racing down the touchline, was tackled but with the support of the fellowship regained the ball before scoring in the corner. Theodors attempt at the kick was missed.

Rossingtons backs began to look dangerous, Merry was replaced by Bilbo Wortley, the hair being very similar. Rossington piled on the pressure and despite their attacking intent, they had not yet breached throughout the entire game the outer wall of our own Helms Deep, the 22 yard line. However the pressure was being piled on by the Orcs, but again the Fellowship defence, boosted by the speed of Bilbo managed to stop a Rossington drive from progressing further than the half way line, Aragorn looked to the West, where the sun was setting and saw the return of Gandalf. Moments later, Gandalf the White revealed his full power, as he launched a kick deep into Rossingtons half, that was chased down by Elrond on the wing, however the ball was bewitched, and as the sell out crowd watched, the ball magically made its way across the pitch, dodging between the Rossington defenders and now requiring Eowyn to chase the ball on the opposite wing. The fellowship arrived, led by Aragorn and closely followed by Boromir and Faramir, tried to secure the ball that bounced around in the Rossington 22, when Gimli, lurking in the background pounced on the ball, with all his dwarfish strength, powered over the line to score a try. To top it off, Gandalf showing his transformation to Gandalf the White, managed to convert the kick, oaks were leading 25-0.

Boromir was withdrawn from the battle, and Tree Beard Coach emerged from the touch line to add some much needed experience, but more importantly weight to the forward pack. There were some scoring opportunities late on for the oaks, including a 5 metre scrum, which was somehow turned by the ailing Rossington pack. The oaks defence continued to knock back the Rossington pack, and once the final whistle had gone, the outer limits of the Oaks Helms Deep had not been breached by the Rossington hordes all game. The fellowship of the oaks rest for now, knowing there are many more battles to come.

Man of Match: - Gandalf the Grey, showed some outstanding defence all day, controlled the game and didn't allow the Rossington backline any space. Closely followed by Aragorn, who put in a stellar performance, was a constant menace in the loose. Some special mentions to Arwen, took the hits but got up again, Sam, some good runs, steady in the scrum but great work in the loose

DOD – Has to go to our very own Orc, Damo, who willingly offered to go play for the opposition, however after further thought, Tree Beard, for actually contemplating helping Rossington out with players. Closely followed by Theodor, who tried to kill his fellow Team mate. All though Gollum and his man flu infecting everyone. I leave it to a vote

Moment of the game – Again quite a few, but has to be the hits on Arwen. The most impressive was that Arwen just got up and did things